This Is Not The Greatest Blog Post In The World…

Posted on October 28, 2009 by

This is just a tribute.

Tenacious D references might have been played out a long time ago, but thanks to the videogame Brutal Legend, I’ve been listening to them a lot lately. And then last night, I dreamed I wrote this wicked, badass blog post that at least boosted me to internet fame, if not world fame, but I forgot what the post was about when I woke up.

I should be going home for two weeks of leave early next week. Movies will be seen, beers will be consumed, and karaoke will be rocked.

Also, I’m extremely late to the party on this, but I started listening to a lot of Led Zeppelin lately. This is the first time I’ve really dug into their music, beyond hearing the random song on the radio or whereever. While “Stairway to Heaven” and “Immigrant Song” are great, my favorite so far is “In My Time of Dying”. I still have the last three albums to get, though, and then a comprehensive listening, so we’ll see how it holds up overall.

Also, for all two of my friends that listen to country, George Strait’s newest album, Twang, is available for $5.00 on Amazon. More than worth it, at that price.

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Try this podcast.

Posted on October 10, 2009 by

Sarcastic Voyages

Alright, so my friend Ron Watt has a podcast going, in which various geek things are talked about. Not to the point of excluding non-geeks as much, if you at least have some knowledge that the things talked about exist. Like Star Trek. You’re aware that it exists? And that there’s a new movie, and you even saw it maybe? Then you’re good to go. There are even handy links to the things they talk about, if you’re so inclined. Occasionally they even have girls on the podcast, so it isn’t a couple of 40-year-old virgins that are completely afraid of the opposite sex, either.

Normally I wouldn’t help promote just anything, but these people are typically way more funny than I am, Ron is a friend, and he’d really like it to get more exposure. Oh yeah, and I might be on this thing sometime next month, so it’ll look better if I help him pimp it now, instead of waiting until then.

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Going back into the army….

Posted on February 15, 2009 by

Whether I like it or not. I have one year left on IRR, and I’m getting called back in. I’m not here to bitch about it or anything, this is just a way to get it down somewhere that I can just email a link to a bunch of people that might want to know.

On April 5th, I’m to report at Ft. Benning, GA for medical processing, and if they decide I’m good to go, retraining followed by being assigned to a unit. I have an idea of what unit, but that could change along the way. And then I’ll be gone for roughly a year, barring shortening or extending of a deployment. We’ll see.

Also, while I’m gone, this blog could turn into something more than the random (and rare) smattering of stupid that it has been so far. I have a couple ideas, but it’s a bit too early for that yet. I’ll keep any news about the whole thing posted as it happens.

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Gene Ha sketches are a debacle waiting to happen.

Posted on October 6, 2008 by

So, a couple years ago, I helped a friend of mine get a sketch without paying for it from the above-mentioned gentleman. The deal was, pay a hundred bucks, or take a dare. Gene’s dare to my friend was to carry him around the convention floor (topless, with the Superman symbol spraypainted on his chest) like he’s flying a couple times, humming the Superman theme. He’s a bigger fellow, and didn’t want to put us through that. So he offered to pay the hundred bucks.

I said screw that, took the dare for him, except ended up just having to walk around for two hours, topless and spraypainted as a different character. I even got paid half the sketch price by my friend. Not a bad deal for two hours’ work.

I decided that at the next opportunity, I would take a dare for my own sketch, and we fast forward to last weekend.

Getting spraypainted again would have been a million times better than what happened this year.

So apparently there’s this other chick that always gets a sketch from Gene for a dare, so he decided to combine the dare this year. He borrows a Thor helmet and hammer from some guy (apparently without telling him why) and wants to have her wear them while Gene and I carry her on our shoulders, yelling “All hail Thor”. Also, she’s short, heavy, and very awkward.

What happened was, Gene lifted before I was ready, so instead of her being on my shoulder, her hip is leaning against my arm, and I can’t bend down to lift her up by her foot. She’s making no effort to actually hold on, and arms are flailing while she’s screaming at the top of her lungs. After about 20 feet, I’m trying to tell Gene to stop so I can get a better hold of her, but he’s too busy demanding everyone hail awkward chick Thor.

Finally he stops, and decides he’ll just have her sit on both his shoulders, like a dad carrying their kid. Again, she makes no effort to hold on, so I’m trying to prop her up from behind, she’s still screaming and Gene carries on, oblivious to the battle I’m fighting behind him. Finally he stops again and I have to sort of gently let her fall, because the heavy bitch again made no effort for herself. Thor guy comes back up and asks for his stuff back, after watching, aghast, at the debacle unfolding.

I finally picked up my sketch the next day, and was rather underwhelmed, after the huge pain in the ass that was.

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Wizard World Chicago ’08

Posted on July 13, 2008 by

This is a bit late in coming, since the con was a couple weeks ago, but oh well.

Upon getting there Friday afternoon, we headed straight to the FIRST. EVER!! joint Marvel/DC panel. There was a nice, friendly tone (after all, despite the “competition”, these writers and artists are pretty much all friends…at least the ones on the panel) and some great discussion on both companies and their books. My favorite moment, as all my friends know, was when an audience member asks if anyone on the panel was confused by FINAL CRISIS (DC’s crossover event this year) and Brian Bendis defended it by stating that not everything needs to be spoonfed. I’m not the biggest fan of his writing, but I’ve always respected him, and this only increases that.

Afterwards, there was the gathering and drinking, as a lot of us hadn’t seen each other since at least last year.

Saturday there was the hunting for the good deals. Unfortunately, in my case, there were few to be found. I hate digging through back issue bins, and prefer going for the trade paperbacks and hardcovers. Sure, there were plenty of retailers selling those items for 50% off, and even some with $5 a pop for a trade. Problem was, apparently these retailers don’t sell DC Comics at all, or if they do, they only sell Batman books. Granted, I like Marvel, too, but I had a craving for some DC stuff that I’d missed in the last several years. I finally had to settle for a booth that was selling for a measley 25% discount, and got a few things there. Anyways, enough bitching about shitty retailers.

Also on Saturday was DC’s big FINAL CRISIS panel. There was some great stuff shown and told there, and possibly a few tidbits thrown out that maybe shouldn’t have been yet. (suddenly they can say “SuperBOY” again…if you’re a comics reader you might know what this hints at…and a small mention of the future of Bart Allen)

There was also the sighting of this man/woman/thing:

Last, but not least, thanks to everyone who made this convention a great time. I’d name names, but fuck that because I’ll forget someone and they’ll get all whiny about it. AND, thanks to a certain someone for not giving me the herpes. Really, my girlfriend and I appreciate it.

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I Fought in th’ WAR

Posted on May 2, 2008 by

So there I was in Iraq, doing a raid in some shitstain little town a bit southeast of Kirkuk. We’d just had our first day trip to a decent sized base, which had a Burger King stand run my a couple of Iraqis. I’d indulged my craving for some non-chow hall-or-MRE food, and had a couple burgers and fries. My stomach and ass regretted it for the next two weeks.

Back to the raid. Everything that needed to be raided had been already, and I was instructed to guard the courtyard gate on someone’s house. Woo-fucking-hoo. After standing there for a couple hours, I get the belly rumble. Ah, fuck, I thought. I whispered loudly over to my team leader that I needed to shit.

“Fuck, alright, go find a corner in the courtyard, I’ll cover you.” So I did, and it’s still pretty early in the morning, and still dark out. I spend about 10 minutes pissing out of my ass and look around for something to wipe with. There’s a clothesline not too far away, so I go over there and find what looks like a towel or rag. By the time I get done wiping, I need to shit again, etc.

I finally finish up, and the sky is getting a bit lighter. I take another look at what I wiped with after finishing. Turns out that it was neither a towel nor a rag. It was a little girl’s dress. Eyes wide as dinner plates, I quickly dropped the dress into the puddle of shit (because it was just a puddle), pulled my pants up and went back to my post.

In closing, I’d just like to say that if any of our soldiers were hit with an IED going by a shitstain town southeast of Kirkuk while riding in a convoy sometime after May ’04, I apologize. That was probably my fault.

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Ugly women wishing their boyfriends were bigger….

Posted on May 27, 2007 by

So I turned on the TV tonight, just looking for something to fall asleep watching. It happens to be on Comedy Central, and there’s an infomercial about some penis enlargement pill. The women on the show are talking about relationships they’ve ended because their boyfriends had small dicks. The funny thing is, these women all range from average looking, to downright fugly. Beggars can’t be choosers!

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What I Learned on TV This Week

Posted on April 9, 2007 by

Wesley Snipes is badly in need of work, apparently. He’s doing late night infomercials for Total Gym. Can Blade 4 be far behind?

Tribal tattoos look idiotic, no matter where on your body you get them.

Turles make the best TV commercial spokesmodels ever.

There now exists a miracle spring water that can heal all afflictions. But only if you’re a Christian.

Nuns have absolutely no on-screen presence.

I need to start sleeping at night.

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Paradise Now

Posted on March 31, 2007 by

I have a few friends that would immediately slam this movie for “glorifying terrorism”. To me, that means that they either haven’t seen it, or they can’t get past their own personal politics when watching it.

Paradise Now focuses on two young (as in twenty-something) Palestinians who get involved with the local jihad, Said (Sah-EED), a calm, thoughtful man, and Khaled (Cah-LED), a very hotheaded person who gets fired from his mechanic job almost as soon as Said helps him get it. During that time, we are introduced to a lovely young lady named Suha (SOO-ha) who is interested in Said, and whose father is considered a hero within the jihad.

Soon after the events in the beginning where Khaled gets fired, the two men are contacted by a friend within the jihad who has a “job” for them. They are inducted fully into the group, shaven and dressed to look more Israeli, and we see a lot of the process of them becoming suicide bombers and the propaganda that goes with it. Said privately expresses doubts to his friend about the effectiveness of their tactics, and asks if there is no other way. Khaled convinces him that they are doing the right thing.

During the course of the operation, things go awry, and the two are separated. Both eventually meet up with Suha back in Palestine, and she expresses her opinion on what they are doing after finding out. While her father is considered a hero, and because of his actions as a martyr she is well taken care of by the jihad and lives in a nicer part of the city, she would much rather have him back and longs for peace, but not if it’s achieved through bombings. Said and Khaled’s boss (for lack of a better word in English) within the jihad is extremely disappointed in their failure, but is convinced to let them try again. By this point, one’s doubts are becoming more than just that, after having talked with Suha, and the other’s beliefs are only more solidified after the time spent in Israel trying to get back. In the end, one is sent back to Palestine once again after arguing beliefs, while the other continues his mission to its bloody conclusion (apparently, as the last moment makes it not 100% clear, but I’m assuming he goes through with it).

This movie was very powerful, in my opinion, for both its scenery, dialogue exchanged both for and against terrorism with the jihad and the arguments between Said, Khaled, and Suha. In the end, neither side is glorified nor condemned, and it is up to the viewer to decide both the best course of action in that conflict and what happens in the final moment. I’d recommend it to anyone who is remotely interested or concerned with what is going on in that part of the world (including Iraq), as long as they can put their own politics aside and watch it with an open mind. Otherwise, their response will inevitably resemble what I posted in the first sentence of this column.

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